A Lemony Snicket Valentine

Today's heart holiday post comes to you courtesy of Lemony Snicket (aka Daniel Handler) who wrote the following delightfully silly stream-of-consciousness as part of The Beatrice Letters (an unabashed attempt to cash in on the success of the An Unfortunate Series of Events books).  FWIW, and IMHO, BL was interesting but nowhere near as entertaining as AUSE.  YMMV.  This paragraph is taken from a letter Lemony Snicket wrote to his true love, Beatrice Baudelaire.  Enjoy!  (And to my own Beatrice--who goes by the name of Jean--I will always love you "like the letter e loves the letter f")

I will love you as the starfish loves a coral reef and as kudzu loves trees, even if the oceans turn to sawdust and the trees fall in the forest without anyone around to hear them.  I will love you as the pesto loves the fetuccini and as the horseradish loves the miyagi, as the tempura loves the ikura and the pepperoni loves the pizza.  I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce and as the dark spot loves the leopard, as the leech loves the ankle of a wader and as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture.  I will love you as the doctor loves his sickest patient and a lake loves its thirstiest swimmer.  I will love you as the beard loves the chin, and the crumbs love the beard, and the damp napkin loves the crumbs, and the precious document loves the dampness in the napkin, and the squinting eye of the reader loves the smudged print of the document, and the tears of sadness love the squinting eye as it misreads what is written.  I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.